Why do we ask them?
Questions are invitations to share information, or an opinion. This can be done with others, and it can also be done within yourself – as a step towards being able to coach yourself to build self-confidence.
Good communication is invaluable
How naturally curious are you? Do you ever stop and reflect on what you do, the reasons behind your actions and the way you do them?
You can use questions to help you decide what you want and how you want to achieve it. You can also use them to communicate more effectively in all your relationships. Active listening and effective questioning are two key skills that will help in all.
Learning to ask yourself questions and actively listening to the answers
Asking questions of yourself is a powerful way to take control of what you want to achieve in your life. When you understand that the answers lie within you, and you have the innate capability to seek out what you need to help you achieve your goals.
There are several different types of questions, and you need to know when you might use each of them. The type of question you ask, and the way you ask it, can either open a conversation or close it down.
Open and Closed questions
One of the best ways to encourage a conversation is through the use of open questions, as opposed to closed questions. Closed questions require only the answer yes or no. They are very efficient for confirming details or gaining commitment. For example:
Will you be at the meeting on Friday? Do you want to go out for a drink?
Conversely open questions gather more information as they create the opportunity for you to express fully what you wish to say. For example:
Where would you like to go for a drink? What does work-life balance mean to you?
Open questions can also be used to develop motivation for what you are planning to do through inserting assumptions. For example, the question “What are the benefits of going to the gym today?” inserts the assumption that 1. there are benefits to going to the gym, and 2. that you are going to the gym today.
Inserting assumptions can be helpful to support you achieve a goal. To achieve the most benefit it is helpful to be specific about what you are going to do and when you are going to do it. For example, “When will you put out the rubbish?”, takes it as given that you are going to put out the rubbish, it’s just a matter of when.
Leading questions
Questions that are framed to suggest there is a right answer are called leading questions.
Leading questions can stop people from thinking for themselves and I recommend they be avoided as much as possible. A key to building long term self-confidence is finding your inner voice and opinions, rather than being compliant to the wants of others. In this way leading questions are negative for self-development.
However, it is recommended that you become aware of, and can identify, when open questions are being used, so you can identify when it is happening in your work and personal life. When you can recognise it is happening, then you can choose your response – Will you comply, or will you answer how you wish to?
Reflective questions
A reflective question provides an opportunity to explore a person’s knowledge, values, experiences, and ideas. Reflective questions are thought-provoking and do not have one definite answer.
When answering, you draw upon your own unique experiences and values, which might not be shared by others. A reflective question has no right or wrong answer. Some examples of self-reflection questions for personal growth are:
If you could only use five words, how would you describe yourself?
What are your strengths? Your weaknesses?
What is the most common negative thought you have about yourself? What would the positive version of it be?
Are you as confident as you would like? How can you improve your self-confidence?
What are you most grateful for?
What do you take for granted?
How can you show more gratitude?
Final thoughts
Questions are powerful tools to help you understand why you act and believe as you do and can help break through self-limiting beliefs. Active listening and reflective questions are the foundation of coaching. Contact us if you are seeking help to achieve your goals.
Author Bio
Deborah Knight is the founder of Xsead Lead with a background in organisational and individual leadership and executive coaching.
As a coach, Deborah aims to create an inclusive and respectful space where individuals and organisations can do the work necessary for growth and change. She is also passionate about helping women be valued for themselves while also contributing and being successful.
Apart from her company which she is deeply passionate about, Deborah also loves bushwalking, reading, travelling, and learning new things.
For any coaching or organisational support enquiries Deborah can be contacted via email: info@xseedlead.com.au or via her company website which is www.xseedlead.com.au.
