What it means to communicate effectively
When people engage in conversation, they tend to listen for information they relate to, and as soon as a gap appears in the dialogue, add our own experiences to join in. Just because you hear what is being said, does not necessarily mean that you are listening. Even if you are listening, you may not always hear what is being said, in the way that it was meant. In this blog we talk about the power of listening and what it means to communicate effectively.
Effective communication is a wonderful thing, but it is not always easy to achieve.
Learning to listen actively can produce an immediate return on the investment of effort. This applies to not just yourself, but also to others. When a person is truly listened to, they grow in confidence and ability. This is the power of listening!
There are several types of listening:
- Listening to yourself
- Non-listening
- Conversational listening
- Active listening
- Intuitive listening
Listening to yourself
The ability to really listen to yourself is extremely important. It will help you discover what really matters to you in life, and whether or not you are living in a way that honours this.
Consider these questions:
What does it feel like to be truly listened to?
What does listening to someone, really involve?
How often do you find the time to listen to yourself?
Non-listening
Regardless, I implore you to ask yourself:
“What is the impact of these unspoken rules among my team?
How do these rules serve me as a leader today and in the future?
How does my compliance impact the company culture?”
Have you ever found yourself talking to someone and feel that they are just not listening to you? How can you tell?
Maybe it is the fact that their eyes keep wandering, eyes glaze over, or they lose track of the conversation – indicating they’re miles away?
If you are exposed to non-listening regularly, it can have a negative impact on your self-esteem.
This is particularly true for children as the message they receive can be that they have nothing to say that is worth listening to. This can be translated into “I have no value”.
Conversational listening
When you are conversational listening, you are concentrating purely on the words being spoken. You are thinking – What does this mean to me? How does this affect me?
This type of listening is therefore sometimes referred to as ‘me to’ listening. There are many occasions where this is totally appropriate – when you’re chatting with friends over a drink; where rapport is built in a job interview; when you are being given instructions; or when you are being asked for your opinion or advice on something.
On the other hand, if you’re using this type of listening with someone who is trying to share his or her experiences with you and all you do is want to hear yourself talk, then this is not a helpful level of listening to be using. Active listening would be more appropriate in this situation.
Active listening
Active listening is when the focus is on the speaker. You have removed yourself and your inner dialogue, which includes your opinions and your experience, and are concentrating solely on the speaker.
Here the listener is listening, not just to the words that are spoken, but also for the information that can be gained from the speaker’s expressions, emotions, tone, pace and intonation of voice.
Active listening helps you to gain clarity about the complete message that is coming from the speaker. You notice what they say and what they do not say.
If someone has come to you for your support in achieving a goal that is important to them, then using this level of listening to analyse their situation is a true gift.
You listen for their values, their vision and what really inspires them. You can act like a mirror, reflecting what you hear, so that the speaker can really hear himself or herself thinking through what they want to do. This is a fundamental aspect of coaching.
Listening actively to yourself can also help you discover what you really want in your life. By listening to the tone of your voice you can identify whether you are engaging in positive or negative self-talk.
We often make assumptions that have little or no foundation. When you invite someone to share how he or she is feeling, then deeper understanding develops. The discipline here is not to interrupt.
As children we learn to say what we need to quickly, as we learn that we are going to be interrupted. So ‘speak quickly, or you might not get a chance to say it at all’ becomes an unconscious behaviour.
When the talking stops, the thinking does not. When someone knows that you are truly listening to them and that you do not intend to interrupt them, a wealth of creative thinking can take place.
Intuitive listening
This is when you are not only listening with all your senses to the messages you are receiving, but you’re also tuned into your intuition.
People are increasingly beginning to trust their intuition. ‘Going with your gut instinct’ can be very valuable, when you are looking to make decisions about what you really want in life, or to support others.
Considering others who are important to you
When seeking to make changes in your life, it is important to consider the impact this may have on others. Knowing how to listen and respond to those who might be affected by your planned changes is invaluable. Doing so reinforces that they matter to you, and you are considering their viewpoint and feelings in the decisions you make for yourself.
Important relationships are underpinned by an understanding of the value of giving each other time to share dreams and ambitions.
When a person is given the time to express what they want, confident that they are being listened to, and that they will not be interrupted or judged, then dreams can become reality.
Furthermore, if you don’t share your goals and the changes you desire, you remove the possibility of gaining the support of those closest to you. It will also demonstrate that you don’t believe others have a role to play, or you don’t believe they will be supportive, which can cause problems in understanding.
However, while gaining external support is desirable, the key priority is to apply the power of listening and listen to yourself, manage any negative self-talk and support your own ability to achieve the life you want. Contact us if you are seeking help to achieve your goals.
Author Bio
Deborah Knight is the founder of Xsead Lead with a background in organisational and individual leadership and executive coaching.
As a coach, Deborah aims to create an inclusive and respectful space where individuals and organisations can do the work necessary for growth and change. She is also passionate about helping women be valued for themselves while also contributing and being successful.
Apart from her company which she is deeply passionate about, Deborah also loves bushwalking, reading, travelling, and learning new things.
For any coaching or organisational support enquiries Deborah can be contacted via email: info@xseedlead.com.au or via her company website which is www.xseedlead.com.au.
