Change your perception by changing the words you use

Change your perception by changing the words you use

by Deborah Knight

January 17, 2025

Change your perception by changing the words you use

The words you use shape your perception

Phrases such as “I ought to do this”, “I have got to do this”, “I should do this” are often said without understanding what a powerful impact they have on our perception.

Words such as ‘ought’, ‘have to’ and ‘should’ don’t come from within, but from outside yourself – such as your family, community, or society’s expectations.

The way you speak about things shows your level of commitment and belief in what you are saying. When statements reflect things aren’t what you believe/want on your own, but something you feel you are required to do… then it’s time to change what you do – or your perception of it!

 

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Where is your choice?

In the examples above, where you say “ought” or “should” you are shaping your language, and therefore your conversation around your powerlessness. Anything you feel you don’t own, or aren’t personally committed to, you will struggle to achieve.

More energy is needed to fulfil a task if it is seen to be a chore or obligation rather than what you want.

Even with the activities that ARE a chore or obligation, you can still control the way you approach them by reframing how you refer to them as something you are choosing to do.

Change how you describe what you are doing both in your head and what you say to help change your perception.

I choose to…

An example of this could be your house chores. At the end of the work week the last thing you want is to do chores on the weekend. But you feel you “must/have to/should” because having a clean house and clothes is expected by others.

It is possible to change your perception of this activity, and to look at other ways to get it done. For example, you probably want to look professional and smart at work/school, and you want your friends to appreciate your clean house. Perhaps your family could help with these chores, or you could do them during the week giving you the weekend free to relax.

Empower yourself

By choosing how you describe the activities you do and getting creative in completing them – you can make them more empowering.

When you feel you have no choice, the feeling of being depressed or powerless can overwhelm you. To fight this be clear on the specifics of what is needed (as opposed to the feelings) and then consider how to accomplish each task – just like a work or school problem. Make it clear, break it down, and then consider the most efficient way to accomplish it.

When you do this, you remove the emotion and weight associated with it and can more easily see yourself having the choice AND the power to change things. This is the art of changing your perception.

Answer to yourself

In everything you do in your life, you are ultimately answerable to yourself. You can’t run from yourself, nor can you lie to yourself as you might to others about a situation.

In light of this, it is better to choose your actions, and accept the consequences, rather than let others choose for you.

Learning to listen to the way you phrase things, and the emotions you associate towards your negative phrases, then reframing them into being choices you make gives you the ability to change your perception and your world.

Be your own best friend

When you have coached your internal voice to be positive (and restructured any negative comments into something more positive) you become your own cheerleader. You are your best friend, supporting yourself, with no judgment on the choices you make.

This doesn’t mean your internal voice shouldn’t push you. It should challenge you to do and be more, to decide on making a change and start taking the steps to achieve it. To challenge you to take control of your life, and take action, rather than just sitting and wishing it was different.

Push yourself, but also give yourself respect and be kind. Don’t criticise yourself and be supportive when you fail. We learn the most when we fail, so it is an excellent time to consider what you have learned and gained from such a valuable experience.

Say, “I choose to…”.

If you are choosing to do something, think about how you can make it as enjoyable as possible, again, changing your perception. Can you integrate things you love into the activity?

If you choose not to do something, then decide if you can delegate the task to someone if it must be done. Some things might be outsourced to a tradesman, or a family member. There might be someone who actually enjoys the tasks that you hate. Everyone is different after all!

Defining your reality through your perceptions

Be aware that the words you use influence your perception of the world and your own capabilities. Saying you can’t do something, especially to yourself, is a sure way to guarantee you won’t succeed at that activity. Your confidence in achieving success influences your energy level and approach to facing challenges and has a significant impact on the outcome of what you do.

Remember, there is a difference between your perception of reality and what others see. The way you perceive reality, which is shown through the language you use, comes from you and shows the viewpoint of how you see the world. The positive thing about this is it is a relatively easy thing to monitor (or have others help you to) and to change.

Contact us if you are seeking help to work on beliefs that no longer serve you or to reach your goals.

Author Bio

Deborah Knight

Deborah Knight is the founder of Xsead Lead with a background in organisational and individual leadership and executive coaching.

As a coach, Deborah aims to create an inclusive and respectful space where individuals and organisations can do the work necessary for growth and change. She is also passionate about helping women be valued for themselves while also contributing and being successful.

Apart from her company which she is deeply passionate about, Deborah also loves bushwalking, reading, travelling, and learning new things.

For any coaching or organisational support enquiries Deborah can be contacted via email: info@xseedlead.com.au or via her company website which is www.xseedlead.com.au

About the Author

Deborah Knight

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